Tag Archives: Quove

How The Grinch Abandoned Snitchmas

19 Dec

Every classic Christmas poem needs a Quidditch re-telling! Beater Erin McCrady wrote this for team Dad and co-coach Chris. It was illustrated by beater Cynthia Loutfi and other co-coach Rebecca Alley. It involves a few inside jokes, but laughs are more or less guaranteed for anyone who decides to read it.

Merry Snitchmas from all of us quidkids at UO!

How The Grinch Abandoned Snitchmas

Every Quidkid at UO liked Snitchmas a lot
But the Grinch who had no time for Snitchmas DID NOT.
The Grinch just left Snitchmas, the whole Snitchmas season.
Now please don’t ask why, no one knows quite the reason.

It could be his schedule was just too tight,
That his job made him skip it to stay home and write
But I think the most likely reason, you see,
Is the Grinch didn’t love his quidkid family.

But whatever the reason, his school or his job,
He just kept abandoning, making us sob.
Sitting down in his home with a work-worky focus
(Or just watching Mulan, Chris, your work is SO bogus).

For he knew as he sat down to work with a smile
All the quidkids were sleeping in their Snitchmas pile.

“And they’re cuddling, too,” said the Grinch with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Snitchmas. It’s practically here!”
Then he growled with his Grinch-fingers nervously drumming.
“They’re having a party. They expect that I’m coming!

And tomorrow, he knew, all the UO quid players
Would show up with big smiles thinking daddy’d be there!
And they’d think he cared! Oh, he cared, cared, cared, CARED!
That’s just what we could not have: the care, care, care, care.

Then the quidkids of UO would sit down and brunch.
And they’d brunch! And they’d brunch!
And they’d BRUNCH! BRUNCH! BRUNCH! BRUNCH!
They’d brunch on some breakfast foods! Brunch on some lunch!
Just the thought made his face do a frown-ish like scrunch.

And THEN
They’d do something he liked least of all.
Every quidkid at UO, the tall and the small,
Would stop all their chasing, their seeking and beating,
They’d stand, phones in hand, and they’d all being TWEETING.
And they’d tweet! And they’d tweet!
And they’d TWEET! TWEET! TWEET! TWEET!

And the more the Grinch thought of this whole Snitchmas tweet,
The more he decided he had to retreat.
“Why, I’ve never shown up and I just won’t start now.
I must find a way of not coming… but how?”

Then he got an idea
An AWFUL idea
The Grinch got a wonderful, AWFUL idea!

“I know just what to do!” he said, no longer vexed,
And he sent a quick message by way of phone-text.
Then he chuckled and laughed, “what a mean, grinchy plot!
I told them I’m coming when really I’m not!”

“Well I might just stop by when I’m done all my work,
But I won’t follow dress code, ‘cause I’m just a jerk.
I’ll just wear an outfit that’s classy and fancy
And I just won’t be tacky or jolly or dancy”

“All I need is an excuse”
The Grinch looked around
But he had been efficient and none could be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch?
No! The Grinch simply said
“If I can’t find an excuse, I’ll MAKE one instead”
So he called up a quidkid and said something witty
Like “Oh, I’ll be there soon, I just need to get pretty”.

THEN
He took a quick pic of his sad facial hair
And he sent it with promises he’d soon be there.

HOURS LATER he left and he started on out
To the place where the kids were festive-ing about
But just as he arrived, a thought made him stall
“Wait a minute,” he thought, “I don’t love them at all!
Why am I showing up to act like a good father?”
And he turned around, thinking he’d no longer bother.Then he tightened his bowtie and started to trudge
His way back through the snow. Then he felt a hard bludge!
He turned around fast, and he saw a quid-child
Whose abandonment issues were now running wild.
 
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny quid-daughter
Who had sat on the doorstep to wait for her father.
She stared at the Grinch and said “Daddy… but why?
Why are you leaving our party, dad? Why?!”But you know, that old Grinch was so sly and so quick
That he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick
“Why my sweet little tot” The absentee dad scammed,
“I have to go home and prep for an exam!
So I’m heading on back to Morisset, my dear.
I’ll study up there, and then I’ll come back here.”
And his fib fooled the child! Her abandon-tears dried
And he gave her the bludger and sent her inside.
When the small beater child went inside with her ball,
The Grinch left with no plans to return after all!
When he got home, he settled down to watch Mulan
Singing “I’ll Make a Man Out of You”, his favourite song.
“Those silly quidkids,” he was Grinch-ish-ly humming,
“They’re finding out now I’m not actually coming!
Once they realize, I know just what they’ll do.
Their mouths will hang open; they’ll all sob boo-hoo
And I’ll reinforce all of their daddy issues!”
Those were statuses that he thought he HAD to see
So he paused Mulan and checked his Facebook with glee.
And he checked on his news. Some quid-statuses showed.
They started in low. Then they started to grow…
But the statuses weren’t sad!
Why, they sounded quite merry!
It couldn’t be so!
But they were merry! VERY!Or at least so he thought…He scrunched up his eyes,
The lack of space between words was quite a surprise.
Every quidkid at UO, the tall and the small
Was tweeting! Without any spaces at all!
He hadn’t circumvented Snitchmas. It came!
He might not have showed up, but it came all the same.
Now the Grinch ran outside in the cold winter’s snow
And stood there all puzzled. “How could it be so?
I thought I had lost it without any snags,
But it managed to find me! Damn Snitchmas hashtags!”
And he puzzled for hours ‘til his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before.
“Maybe Snitchmas is something I just can’t ignore,
Maybe Snitchmas… perhaps… means a little bit more”
And what happened then…?
Well, at UO they say
That the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!
He stepped up and became a supportive Quid-dad
And rushed to his family all tackily clad!
He brunched and he tweeted! He laughed and he smiled!
And he…
He himself…
THE GRINCH!
DAD cuddle-piled!