Tag Archives: interview

Quidkid of the Week: Michelle “Sniper” Ferguson

27 Apr

With the end of the school year upon us, we here at uOttawa Quidditch have been studying like a pack of wild Grangers. However, before the uOttawa Express takes us home for the summer, we bring you one final Quidkid of the Week article!

This week, I sat down with Michelle “Sniper” Ferguson: Fulcrum prod woman, Chaser extraordinaire, and winner of the Dobby the House Elf Memorial Award for Tiniest Badass. As one of our fourth-year players, Michelle is busy avoiding the traps we have laid to sabotage her graduation and keep her at uOttawa. Nevertheless, she took a time out to talk falcons, Fulcrum, and françaisBrooms up!

Michelle receiving her Quoscar. Eat it, Meryl Streep.

Alright, Michelle, let’s start with your program and year.

I am currently in fourth year.. meaning I graduate this summer! (#yay)

I study Lettres françaises (which is basically a fancy way to say French lit).

Excellent use of hashtags. What brought you to quidditch?

Chris. He is the ASS (Associate News Editor) at the Fulcrum. I found out he played and it piqued my interest. I am pretty sure the first thing I said to him before even introducing myself was: “You play Quidditch right? I have two questions for you: Do you play with brooms? And how the hell does the Snitch work?” After covering the Canadian Cup for the Fulcrum I really wanted to try playing. So when Chris invited a bunch of Fulcrumites to come to a practice I was all over that.

Michelle, pictured back in the grey hoodie, questions why the poaching skills of Quiddad Chris (seen here hiding behind a bale of hay) worked to get her on the team.

Quiddad Chris is a ruthless player-poacher. What position do you play?

I am a Chaser. But I think it would be cool to try some other positions. (Ed: Ahem.)

The Chasers keep Michelle well protected against the Beater Coven, who have a nasty habit of snagging all the cool players with the siren song of constant Mean Girls quotes. With a nickname like Sniper, how could we not want her as a coven member? Where did your nickname come from?

I wasn’t there when Adam and Clare came up with this but this how it was explained to me: Clare and Adam were talking about how annoying people who check their phones at the movie theater are (Ed: really annoying) because you can see their screens flash and how they wish that someone could stand at the top of the theater and snipe anyone checking their phones. I guess they thought I was the best person for the job. (Apparently I have good aim or something…)

Michelle is being modest, she has the aim of Robin Hood and Katniss Everdeen combined. She scored some pretty spectacular goals in her first tournament! What was the best moment of your quidditch career?

Scoring my first “real” goal in Buffalo. Oh, actually, being invited to play in Buffalo! I was really happy I made the roster, since I had only been playing for a couple weeks. It also helped me get to know my teammates better. And it was really cool to feel like part of the team.

Tearing up the field in her very first competition game as a uOttawa Quidkid!

And the worst?

I don’t think I’ve had any bad quiddicdotes. (Ed: QUIDDICDOTES! Quidictionarying that!) Except for maybe the headshots. I remember one in particular by a certain fatherly figure in the middle of winter… that stung a bit

Bludging at the hand of your quiddad carries both a physical and emotional sting. It really fuels the ol’ daddy issues. But, as anyone who has played against uOttawa can probably attest, our beaters do love their headshots!

Michelle, what’s your jersey number? Is there any significance to it?

I usually choose either 4 or 5, because one of those papers that analyze you based on your name told me those were my lucky numbers. But those were both taken, so I decided to go with 22: the age at which I discovered this wonderful sport! (The Muggle version, that is.)

I’ll pause for a moment so readers can sigh deeply and reminisce on their own Quidditch discoveries… How do you explain Quidditch to those in your life who were previously unaware of it?

“It’s really cooooooooool. No really, I swear.” Actually, if a quiddicdote is permitted… My parents came to watch us at Strathcona last month and although my dad has read almost all the books and seen almost all the movies he would always poke fun at me for playing Quidditch. But after the tournament my mom told me he wouldn’t shut up about it, and that he said he wished he was 20 years younger so he could play too.

Glamour shot of the jersey

Which Hogwarts house are you?

I should probably do the test one more time to be sure, but I am a Ravenclaw.

Looks like we’ve got another House Hipster on our hands. Chris is such a terrible influence. If you had a magical creature as a pet, what would it be and what would you name it?

A hippogriff named… I don’t know…Spot? Wait, no. Andy.

What would your patronus be?

My patronus would be a peregrine falcon. It’s my favourite animal.

She’s flying through your windows, snatching your quaffle up…

I distinctly remember a player on the team being petrified of birds. Use that to your advantage. Speaking of, if you encountered a Boggart, what would it be and what would your ‘riddikulus’ thought be?

A bee. I hate bees. And my thought would be: “Bread and butter, bread and butter, bread and butter…”

If you could choose a Harry Potter character to be your significant other, who would it be and what would your ideal date with them consist of?

I would date Harry and we would play Quidditch.

Michelle Ferguson joins the elite ranks of uOttawa Quidditch Players who Wouldn’t Date a Weasley. Which Harry Potter character are you most similar to?

I am a Gemini so I have two personalities… at least that is my excuse to not narrow it down to just one character. I believe I am a mix between Ginny and Hermione. I am very quiet with people I don’t know, but I can also be pretty bossy. Someone also told me I’m bright!

Despite being one of the few members of the team who wouldn’t date a Weasley twin, Michelle is no stranger to having two men chase after her.

What would a bright girl such as yourself major in at Hogwarts?

I would like to believe I would be good at Flying or Care of Magical Creatures.

Where would you spend the majority of your time if you lived at Hogwarts?

I would probably spend an equal time between Hagrid’s hut, the Gryffindor common room (even though I am a Ravenclaw) and the Quidditch pitch.

While you’re on the pitch you could visit Reilly’s Chezbrelephaffe common room! Now, since you’re one of the team’s Real Live Grown-Ups™, what are you most going to miss about Quidditch next year?

Well I’m really hoping I get to still play next year, if you’ll still have me. I know I’ll be old and decrepit after graduation, but I promise to pass an eye test to make sure my aim is still top notch!

Well, we were just going to send you out on the ice floe with Claremom, but we’ll see… What is your greatest aspiration for the team?

I want us to be able to fly! I have so many theories on how this could work… It would probably be a death trap but you know.. how awesome would that be!?

Finally, what is the biggest similarity between Quidditch and working for the Fulcrum?

Haha – the people are amazing and a little nerdy (in a good way). It took me until my fourth year at university to finally find a group where I really fit in and this year I found a second. So um.. thanks for what was probably my best year of university!

Awwwwhhhhhhhh… 🙂

 

Well, folks, this ends this season’s Quidkid of the Week feature, but keep a weather eye on the internet horizon over the summer! We’ll be talking to this year’s ickle firsties about how Quidditch impacted their first year of university at uOttawa. Be sure to check it out if you or someone you know is entering first year (we’re looking at you, WEQL Griffins…). 

No regrets…
…just quove.
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Quidkids of the Week: the Twins, Tickles & Shoulders

5 Apr

We all know at least one: those couples that merit a place among history’s greatest relationships. Romeo and Mercutio, Batman and Robin, Hamlet and Rozencrantz and Guildenstern, Harry and Ron, the list goes on.

That’s right, it’s guy love.

This week I sat down with uOttawa Quidditch’s most prolific bromance, Chaser/Keeper/Snitch Reilly “Tickles” Ragot and Chaser/Seeker/Snitch Adam “Shoulders” Robillard. When the boys aren’t ruining my life through their constant 9gag posts and arsenal of antics, they’re bro-ing out hardcore. However, they took some time from their busy schedule of tomfoolery to talk with the Quibbler about Ginny, great broments, and guyquove the likes of which you’re never seen. Brooms up!

Despite being nigh inseparable, this is one of very few pictures of the twins together.

Well, gentlemen, let’s start with your programs and years.

R: I’m in my second year of Human Kinetics. Currently I’m in the sciencey half of it with Rebeccamom but I’ll be switching to the arts side next year.

A: I’m in first year theatre and psychology with a minor in provocative posing.

And what brought the two of you to Quidditch?

R: I was walking through the UCU one Clubs Day when I felt unexplainably drawn to a table full of really good-looking people. Entranced by their beauty, my hand moved as if possessed to sign the list of interested players. Lo and behold, it was the Quidditch team.

A: Same as Reilly, but a little less magical. …I may have been trying to impress a girl I was hanging out with.

This is a big moment, folks. Adam rarely admits to being the pursuer instead of the pursued. Speaking of chasing, what positions do you play?

R: A little bit of everything. Most of the time I’m a Chaser, but I’m being trained up as the new Keeper in case our plans to sabotage Colin’s graduation don’t pan out. I also Snitch occasionally when I’m feeling troublesome.

A: I play everything but Beater and Keeper because the black headband gets lost in my luscious dark hair and the green clashes with my beautiful blue eyes.

You two were among the first to adopt Quidditch nicknames. Tell us about them.

R: I was torn between Tickles and Tackles (I’m really ticklish and I like tackling). I left it up to the team to decide (Ed: what’s a vowel among friends?) and took Claremom’s advice, and now the entire Carleton team has abandoned my real name.

A: I’m originally a hockey player so my first instinct is to drop my shoulder and run through opponents. Our first game against Carleton I was shouldering people like it was my job: hence, “Shoulders.” Then, at the Canadian Cup, my parents saw me shoulder an opponent who looked about 12 years old. Needless to say, mom was not proud of the first game she saw.

A rather incriminating pair of pictures for our team’s reputation, but the men share a refusal to pick on someone their own size.

In Tickles’ defence, it should be noted that there are, in fact, no pictures of an actual legal tackle from the Canadian Cup. It was that kind of weekend.

And what moment of your Quidditch career would you say is your proudest?

R: Seeing my name on the competitive roster after only managing to attend one tryout.

A: At Ives Pond, I was playing seeker and caught the snitch to tie the game and send it into overtime, and then I managed a three-second snitch snatch in overtime for the win. But it was no big deal.

And the worst?

R: I am actually one of the few players on our team to avoid quinjuring myself, so I really haven’t had many bad moments. A car nearly hit me on my way over to do this interview, so that I guess.

A: I got a red card at WCV, the only one the team has ever gotten. Then the announcers made fun of me, which almost made me get a second one.

Easy there, Shoulders. What houses are you boys in?

R: Hufflepuff!

A: I don’t know… not a Hufflepuff.

What is your jersey number? Is there any significance to it?

A: Mine is 93. I (along with most of the team) wanted 13 but it was taken. Frankie took 26 (twice 13 and my birthday). So, in keeping with birth numbers, I chose the year I was born.

R: 16. I wanted 4 or 13 but they were taken. I chose 16 because it’s the same as Darcy Tucker from the Toronto Maple Leafs (Ed: for our American readers, that’s a hockey team. “Hockey” is like frozen Quidditch) and he’s a badass.

Reilly’s response to the oft-used phrase “Reilly, use your nice words.”

Now let’s get to the topic the reader(s) are here for: Is there a specific moment that made you two realize your relationship was truly guy quove (quove between two guys)?

R: Well, Adam has this husband. Sometimes I sleep with it. Adam was upset when he found out, but I explained that it was really a ploy to get to him. He reciprocated the feelings and it’s been Guy Quove ever since!

A: Definitely the Terrible Shreddie Massacre of 2011 the night before WCV. It was the stuff of legends. GuyQuove flourishes on the frontlines of a battle like that.

Use three words not usually attributed to relationships to describe your bromance.

R: Pokemon, pillow, posing.

A: Pillow, Pokemon, rubber balls. Can I hyphenate rubber-balls? Well, I just did.

Let the record show that the boys were interviewed separately, didn’t see one another’s answers, and still managed 2/3 identical answers. This kind of twin-telepathy is why Adam and Reilly are often referred to as the team’s Fred and George. Which is which?

R: We’ve refused to decide. Neither of us wants to die or lose an ear.

A: I’m George. I am too beautiful to be the one who gets killed.

Pouty quidkid got a boo-boo! Claremom gave him cookies for being brave.

Now, Adam was named one of Quinksy’s Sexiest Quidkids. Adam, how did this feel? Reilly, as Adam’s identical twin, do you also feel this was a personal victory?
R: Yes, I do. Being identical, there’s no way one of us can be better looking than the other. Now, we could have different personalities that make us appealing to other people, but it’s ‘sexiest quidkid’, not ‘most appealing quidkid’. Although I do give him credit. He just had to be in the spotlight, and he made sure of that.
A: It really didn’t come as much of a surprise. It couldn’t be considered a sexy list if I wasn’t on it.

Adam is always so selfless. Each of you, describe a memorable moment of your friendship using as much innuendo as possible. The other must then guess what moment you’re referring to.

R: Sitting there, watching you posing on my couch with it in your hands. You told me you were gonna catch ‘em all and I said, “Yes you are, and nobody is going to stop you. You’re the best there ever was.”

A: Would that be me playing Pokemon in your apartment?

R: Uhh… sure. That’s exactly what I meant.

A: Not here, Reilly. Okay: we were running around, caressing our balls in public and trying to hit someone in the face with them. We were knocking on the door so hard, we just really needed to get in there and show off our lovely balls.

R: Bludger wars.

A: Correct.

Adam and Reilly like to get dirty together.

Well, now that we all lived through the obvious sexual tension between you two, name something of equal or greater Awkward-Value to a hug from Voldemort.

R: Anyone walking in on me with Adam’s husband.

A: Probably if my mother was reading the innuendo question right beside me.

If you could create a 5th Hogwarts house, what would its name, mascot, common room location and key traits be?

R: The house would be Chezbrelephuff, the mascot the Chezebrelephaffe.  Its key traits would be badassery, excellent finding skills (though not better than Hufflepuffs’ skills), a Disney-level imagination, and general confusion about your own identity. The common room would be underneath the Quidditch pitch and connected to the castle through an elaborate tunnel system.

Reilly’s house mascot.

A: The house would be Ginyufrog, the mascot obviously a frog. They would all be excellent posers, have a large ego and really long legs, and they’d be naturally good at everything. The common room would be in the lake on a giant Lilly pad.

For those well versed in Adam’s tendency to strike a pose at every possible moment, let the record show that he answered the entire last question lying down and kicking his leg frog/jazzercise-style. 

Adam strikes one of the many poses in his arsenal.

What would your best subject/major be at Hogwarts?

R: Quidditch and Defense Against the Dark Arts

A: Charms because I’m so gosh darn charming.

Hah. Tegan made that joke first. Wild Boggart appears! What would it look like and what would be your ‘ridikkulus’ thought to get rid of it?

R: It would be a small dog, and I would turn it into a hipster.

A: It would be me, but I wouldn’t be pretty. I would pull a Wilde’s Dorian Grey and it would turn into a portrait of me that got old while I remained young and beautiful forever.

Adam, you know he essentially gave up his soul, right…? Speaking of which, if you were going to hide bits of your soul, what would you use as a horcrux?

R: My motivation to do homework (I can never find it), my quove for Adam (blatantly obvious but indestructible), and that one crayon you need but can never find.

You mean the grey one?

R: Color blindness jokes. Hilarious.

A: I would use a Nokia phone, any item belonging to brother (those get lost forever), and my old iPod Nano which has somehow survived after all these years.

If you could choose a Harry Potter character to be your significant other, who would it be and what would your ideal date with them consist of?

R: Ginny. Quidditch would be involved, and then we’d get a butterbeer at Rosemerta’s and just badass around a bit. If Adam and I could decide who was Fred and who was George, I’d date him.

A: Ginny obviously. Although as a bro and a gentleman if Reilly won her love I would graciously not get in his way. However, if we did go on a date we would fly somewhere badass like the top of a mountain and we’d have a badass, delightful picnic. And pose.

Finally, who or what would you most like to see playing Quidditch? (in a world where anyone and anything could)

R: I would have an entire team of Quidditch-playing dinosaurs. Because dinosaurs are awesome, if you didn’t know. The chasers would be: a Deinonychus,  a bird-like dinosaur with rather pronounced arms capable of holding the quaffle, which is a rather important for a chaser; a Parasaurolophus, which also has good arms; and a T-rex, despite its tiny arms. (Ed: intimidation purposes, we’re guessing.) The beaters would be: an Anklyosaurus and a Stegosaurus. The Keeper would be Stompz the Tricertops, and a Velociraptor would be the seeker.

Looks like Reilly lost a Seeker!

A: Muppets v. Sesame Street.

MUPPETS

Keeper: Sweetums

Chasers: Kermit, Fozzie Bear, Sam the Eagle (would would also be the coach)

Beaters: Miss Piggy, Animal

Seeker: Gonzo

SESAME STREET:

Keeper: Big Bird

Chasers: Cookie Monster, Grover, The Count

Beaters: Ernie and Bert

Seeker: Elmo

Snitches: Rizzo the Rat, Snuffleupagus

Anouncers: Swedish Chef and Oscar the Grouch. The chef because he won’t say anything relevant and Oscar because he’ll just be grouchy and not report the game.

Reilly’s response to the oft-used phrase “Reilly, use your nice words”.

Adam’s signature Puppydog Head Tilt

This concludes our interview with uOttawa Quidditch’s most notable bros. 

Remember, you can tweet us all week with additional questions for the dynamic duo! We’re @uo_quidditch, Shoulders is @awillrobillard, and Tickles is @Ragsjr92.

Quidkid of the Week: Colin “The Fridge” and Tegan “Sexy Cactus”

27 Mar

This is Hashtags McCrady, reporting for duty. Get ready for the Quibbler’s most scandalous interview yet!

I know what you’ve all been thinking: uOttawa Quidditch is sexy. They know it. You’d like to date them. Trust me, folks, we’ve heard it all before. It seems impossible that we haven’t fallen for each other, right? There’s just GOT to be a quidcest quople or two going on, and you can’t go on for another moment without knowing the details.

Fear not, Quibbler readers! I have heard your calls for scandalous gossip and I have answered them with the might of 1000 bludgers.

Here this week, professing their love for one another for the first time in public, I have President Tegan and Keeper Colin, the team’s original and most scandalous quidcest! The star-crossed lovers sat down to discuss their torrid romance, their hopes for the game they love, and all manner of kitchen appliances. Brooms up!

Co-President Tegan “Sexy Cactus” Bridge

Tegan’s beau, Keeper Colin ‘Fridge’ Ellis

 Might I say, you two are absolutely adorable together. What programs and years are you in?

C: 4th year psychology student.

T: 3rd year English and classical studies.

And what brought the two of you to Quidditch?

C: I was looking to tone and get exercised. I had no idea that love might be in store for me.

T: It just seemed like the best possible way to spend my time at university.

With the best possible people, evidently. What positions do you two play?

C: As I like to tell people, including Tegan when we fight over trivialities, “But I’m a Keeper!”

T: On the pitch, I’m a Beater. Slightly to the side of the pitch, I’m the team photographer. When I’m up at 3 in the morning trying to finish things, I’m co-president, a role I share with my partner in crime, the lovely Clare.

Tegan displaying her beater skills, no doubt defending her beloved from oncoming chasers.

So Colin ‘Fridge’ Ellis and Tegan ‘Sexy Cactus’ Bridge, care to explain your nicknames?

C: I keep cool under pressure. I like cold things inside of me. You wouldn’t believe how low my kilowatt usage is. I’m usually the last thing in the house to get cleaned. But most of all, if a large kitchen appliance was running towards you on the field, you couldn’t stop it.

T: Our team came up with various strategies for this past year’s World Cup. One of them was Operation Snow Angel, the other was Operation Sexy Cactus and it involved getting very close to a certain Arizonian Quidditch team. That’s where I came in. Distractions are key.

Our favourite kitchen appliance barrelling down the pitch.

What has been the best moment of your quidditch career?

T: Chasing down a UPS truck in order to get our jerseys in time for the World Cup. The delivery hadn’t gone as planned and UPS asked that we go to their store at 3 pm to collect our package, except that our bus had to leave that day for New York City at noon and of course, it was Remembrance Day, so all the stores were closed for the morning so we had no way of contacting anyone from UPS. All in all, it involved Katie and I racing down the street after a runaway UPS truck and Rebecca jumping out of the shower and cycling down to Rideau so that she could sign for the package.

C: Meeting the love of my life.

T: …yes. I mean, uh, that too.

Oh, Tegan, always the hopeless romantic. What about the worst moment?

C: When they set out the team list. When they made the cuts to make the World Cup team, I’ve never been so nervous. But I should’ve known that the team needed a fine refrigerant.

T: When Steven took a broom to the eye at the World Cup and I saw all the red face paint on him and thought it was blood.

C: I thought it was when you thought I was leaving Ottawa.

T: …yes. That is what I meant.

Yes, our Fridge will be leaving us at the end of the year. (ED: the interview pauses for a moment as Tegan sheds a single tear. Colin wipes it away with his sparkly green keeper headband). What would you say is the greatest obstacle standing in the way of your formerly secret affair? Could it be the separation next year?

C: No, that would probably be my love of men(nonite culture. I really love finely made furniture).

T: No comment.

Well I’m sure the internet is just dying to know how you two first met. It’s a pretty adorable story!

C: We locked eyes from across the room and I downed my drink, while the rhythms boomed. Took her hand and skipped the names. No need here for the silly games. We made our way through the smoke and crowd. The club was the sky and I was on her cloud; moved in close as the lasers flew. Our bodies touched and the angels cried.

T: That’s not how I remember it at all.

And when did you realize you were meant to be together?

 T: I wouldn’t really say we’re together.

C: Yeah, there’s always been something between us, keeping us apart but I don’t know what.

 Could it be the Quidditch family’s opinion of your relationship? How do they feel about it?

T: This is the first they’re hearing of it.

C: I always wanted to come out with a bang.

Why have you kept your torrid romance a secret from the team so long?

C: I figured no one would understand. Everyone thinks that I’m this quiet soft-spoken unassuming lady-killer. (Ed: *snort*) I guess I just didn’t want to shatter the illusion.

T: I don’t think “torrid” is the word I’d use. Or “romance”. Or “secret”.

We had no idea this display was actually an attempt to seduce Tegan. Apparently it worked.

Well in the interest of the secrecy of your torrid romance (Tegan’s words, not mine), let’s get back to Quidditch. What are your jersey numbers? Any significance to them?

C: 41. When I was 9 there were 141 jelly beans in the Guess the Number of Jelly Beans in the Jar and I won the game. Since then, 41 and 141 have been my numbers.

T: 9 3/4. If you’re not sure what that means, read the books. (*cough* Matt *cough*)

What about your Hogwarts houses?

C: I am a Hufflepuff at heart, regardless of what any internet test says. GRYFFINDOR YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ME!!!

T: Ravenclaw.

And what would your best subject or major be at Hogwarts?

T: Charms. For obvious reasons.

C: She says that, but her levitating charm has never worked on me. For me, Defense Against the Dark Arts. I kill a mean closet Boggart.

Well, Tegan, let’s put that charm to the test. Describe Quidditch with as much innuendo as possible.

C: First, straddle a hard piece of wood.

T: You might have to wiggle a bit and adjust to get comfortable. That’s the magical part.

C: It’s kind of like a PG orgy. Anyone who doesn’t know the rules thinks it’s chaos, but there are definitely rules.

T: With safe words, like Princess.

C: So, in all, a little bit wild and sometimes dirty, but a definite good time.

… Oh goodness. If you two had chestmonsters (a la Harry’s strange new feelings in HP6), what would their names be?

C: Harold.

T: …I was going to say Harold… fine, Eugene.

C: Tegan, you said you weren’t going to do this in public anymore. You need to start respecting my feelings. And Harold’s.

Colin staring down photographer Tegan, in what is clearly a sexy fashion.


Did Snitch Kera try to steal Tegan’s man? Something has her upset.

Matching chestmonsters- adorable! I give it a few months to go global as the next big ‘couple’ thing. If you two began a magical family together and it came time to choose a family pet, what would it be and what would you name it?

T: It would be a Unicorn named Joe.

C: Are we not Crumple-Horned Snorkacking?

T: Save that for later. 

Let’s talk a little more about that family…If you two had a child together, what would its name be and where would it fit into the ‘11 years later’ epilogue of HP7?

C: It would be a boy, a little mini-fridge. But not a beer fridge. Because we’d raise it right.

T: Renesmee. Or Bo.

C: He would be Albus Severus’ Sassy Gay Friend. He’d keep the later generation free of angst without the Mio commercials.

What animal would you change into if you were an animagus?

C: Is a fridge an animal?

T: No.

C: Then a microwave.

T: This is why this won’t work. I’d be a doe. Because that’s what my name means… and I have an everlasting love for Alan Rickman.

To conclude, what are your wildest hopes and dreams for Quidditch?

C: I am retiring this year, so I really hope that it will continue and that uOttawa will come out on top.

T: Well, the IQA is already more popular than the International Quilt Association on Google search results, so I don’t really think there’s anything left that we haven’t achieved.

True, true. That was always the dream. Well, thank you two so much for taking time out of your busy couples’ schedule of farmers markets and brunch dates to talk to the Quibbler! We simply couldn’t keep the team’s original quouple a secret for any longer.

 

This ends our interview with Tegan and Colin, but the fun doesn’t end here! Tweet @uo_quidditch all week to have your most scandalous questions answered.

We’re also holding a competition to find a quouple nickname for our team’s proverbial Brangelina. Send your best suggestions to us to obtain a fabulous prize!

 

Teglin? Colgan? Sexy Fridge? You decide! Bonus points for jokes about their height difference.


Video

uOttawa Quidditch on CTV Morning

22 Mar

Watch us teach the hosts of CTV how to play Quidditch (in high heels, no less!) with some good old-fashioned half-court sidewalk scrimmaging.

That’s right: uOttawa Quidditch is now breakfast television levels of hardcore.

Quidkid of the Week #6 – Katie Sharpe

16 Mar

Faster than a speeding bludger! Able to build tall buildings in a single bound! Is it a bird? A plane? No, it’s Katie Sharpe, our Quidkid of the Week! Katie is a Beater and one of the team’s ickle firsties. As an engineering student, Katie doesn’t have nearly as much free time as us mere mortals. Nevertheless, she took some time out of her busy schedule to meet with me atop her self-constructed Impenetrable Fortress of Awesome and talk nicknames and Nundus (SPOILER ALERT: she lacks but desires both). Brooms up!

 

Let’s start off with your program and year.

First year Civil Engineering with a specialization in Structural Engineering. Much as the team likes to tease me for it, I will remind them that there must have been some type of engineering involved in the building of Hogwarts.

Katie’s engineering prowess was integral in leading uOttawa Quidditch to the esteemed position of University’s #1 Blanket Fort Builders* (*actual title)

Katie’s engineering prowess was integral in leading uOttawa Quidditch to the esteemed position of University’s #1 Blanket Fort Builders 

Is it too late to change your specialization to Magical Engineering? The world needs more Burrow-esque, architecturally impossible buildings. Because screw physics, that’s why! Now what brought you to Quidditch?

Around the time that Prisoner of Azkaban came out my parents got the box set of the first three Harry Potter books. My dad would always take a bit of time each night and read a few chapters of them to me before bedtime. As I got older more Harry Potter books got released and it became a tradition to read each book together before we read it again on our own. I didn’t actually think about Quidditch as a viable sport until 2010 when I was talking to a co-worker (also a HP fan) who had seen an article about the Carleton University team. I was quite heart broken when I had to make the final decision between uOttawa and Carleton, knowing that uOttawa didn’t have a team. It was definitely the highlight of my first week of university when I saw the table proudly proclaiming “Quidditch!” to all of the first years.

Well, the table AND Claremom running through campus in full snitch regalia while handing out flyers. What position do you play?

I belong to the uOttawa Beater coven.

And well you should, Beaters are far superior to all other positions. I say this as an impartial interviewer who is obviously NOT a Beater. As a first-year member of the team, what would you say has been the best moment of the season for you?

It would have to be when I saw my name on the roster for the Ives Pond tournament in January. I was so excited to finally be able to play!

What was the worst?

It goes hand in hand with the best moment; when I realized I wouldn’t be able to play in the Ives Tournament since I had done something to my left ankle during the first practice back from winter break.

For anyone who keeps up with the Quidkid series, I think there’s a noticeable pattern in our players’ worst moments. We’re a quinjury-prone bunch! We’ve also got a team full of stupendous nicknames. Katie, what’s yours?

I am part of the unfortunate (elite) few that remain nickname-less. I sign my name as “She who has no nickname” on all the Quidditch doodles.

Well, lucky for you, I happen to be a wealth of nickname knowledge. Just ask Quiddad Chris! The gears are turning… While I think, why don’t you tell us about your jersey number; is there any significance to it?

I chose the number 5. I’ve been playing house league soccer for about 10 years now and number has always been either 5 or 13. Since 13 was taken I chose 5.

Katie showing off her jersey. #sexyandsheknowsit

Speaking of houses, which one are you?

I consider myself a Gryffinpuff. I like to think I have the best of both houses, as long as you consider foot-in-mouth syndrome a good trait. I have been known to think like a Ravenclaw once in a while, not very often. 

As a member of a hybrid house (Gryffinpuff), if you could create a fifth Hogwarts house, what would its name, mascot, and key traits be?

The house would be Dugranden, its mascot would be the fox, and its key traits would be trickery (ie. pranks) and cleverness.

Using some of that trademark Dugranden cleverness, please share with us your favourite HP pickup line.

I play Quidditch, there need be no other words said.

Katie “No Words- Just Emotions” Sharpe, If you could choose a Harry Potter character to be your significant other, who would it be and what would your ideal date with them consist of?

George Weasley would be my beau. We would go and play Quidditch with the alumni Gryffindor team before we went for a picnic lunch on a grassy hill somewhere. We would go exploring all over England (using his ability to apparate of course).

Katie (pictured center) doesn’t let teammates’ death or pole dancing distract her from the game.

An excellent choice, I hear the Rebeccas are still dueling over Fred. The Weasleys are definitely a popular bunch amongst our players! What would your best subject be at Hogwarts?

I think I would be rather good at Transfiguration. I am pretty good at visualizing objects with lots of detail in my head. Care of Magical Creatures would also be a good subject for me. I love learning about and being around animals.

Speaking of animals, if you had a magical pet, what would it be and what would you name it?

I would like to have a Nundu, and I would name him Todd. (The Fox and the Hound was a favourite movie of mine)

Ladies and gents, you heard it here first! Katie ‘the Carnivore’ Sharpe wants a gigantic leopard with toxic, disease-filled breath and a Ministry of Magic classification akin to that of a basilisk as a pet! It takes no less than 100 wizards to subdue such a creature, but I bet Katie gets the beast playing with a comically oversized ball of yarn faster than you can say ‘bludged’. I’m almost afraid to ask now, but what would your patronus be?

It would be a dog of some kind, probably a Labrador Retriever. I believe that the traits those dogs possess are ones that are mirrored in myself.

Terror residing. Name something of equal or greater Awkward-Value to a hug from Voldemort.

Meeting your boy/girlfriend’s parents. There is just so much that can go wrong. I do realize that I just compared said parents to Voldemort, but they are just that scary.

On the list of the many things that can go wrong, comparing them to dark wizards can’t be that high up on the list. If you were going to hide bits of your soul, what would you use as a horcrux?

I think I would take a page from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End and use the most random objects that I could find. For instance, right now I see a bottle of cream, orange scissors and a speaker.

What’s Katie hiding in that scarf? BITS OF HER SOUL? The uOttawa Quibbler wants to know!

UOttawa Quidditch kindly requests that you do not play ‘rock, paper, scissors’ with bits of Katie’s soul. Katie ‘Rock, Paper, HORCRUX’ Sharpe, what magical gadget would you find most useful?

I really would like an invisibility cloak, then I can fulfill my dreams of being a super spy. I would roll around corners singing the Mission Impossible theme song, and everyone would think there was a ghost spy near them. It would be awesome!

Katie “The ‘S’ Stands for Super Spy” Sharpe, How would the room of requirement present itself to you?

Walking in the first thing I would see is a decently sized log cabin on top of a gently sloping hill and framed by tall trees. Beyond the cabin, at the bottom of the hill, a wooden dock extends into a lake full of clear blue water. The temperature is warm, but not too warm, and a gentle Southern breeze rustles the leaves. For me it would be a quiet place to think surrounded by the noises of nature

———

This concludes our interview with Katie “Engineering Awesomeness” Sharpe. Do you have any questions for her? Maybe a favourite colour or a deep dark secret? How about invasive personal questions about a certain Quidkid? Tweet us all your quips, queries and quaffles (okay maybe not the quaffles. Actually, you know what? Tweet us a quaffle. I challenge you.) and Katie will be bound by unbreakable vow to answer them. I’ll see you all next week. Until then, stay classy, internet. 

Quidkid(s) of the Week: Double double, Rebecca and trouble

7 Mar

Due to my overwhelming laziness last week (Reading Week – that’s Canadian Spring Break – is a valid excuse), I missed an article. Now, I know that all of you have been wandering aimlessly in a state of uOttawa Quidkid deprivation, gazing listlessly out windows with rain trickling slowly down the panes, banging your heads against the wall, periodically falling to your knees and shouting to the heavens. This ends today. For today, I bring you not one, but TWO Quidkids of the week. Hold onto your bowler hats, ladies and gents, it’s an all-new Quidkid of the Week: now with 200% more Rebecca than ever before!

 

Quidkid #1: Rebecca Alley – Coach Rebeccamom!


Quidkid #2: Rebecca Junior!

That’s right! This week I had the incredibly humbling experience of interviewing two generations of the uOttawa Quidditch family. Coach Rebeccamom and same-age daughter Rebecca Jr. both sat down with me to discuss family, frogs, and Fred. Brooms up!

If you look to the furthest reaches of this photobombception, you’ll see Rebeccamom and Junior! Like quidmother, like quiddaughter.

Let’s start with our usual set of Muggle questions: What programs and years are you ladies in?

JR: I’m nearing the end of my second year (Ack! Already?!) in French Studies with a minor in German Language and Culture.

Mom: I’m in my second year of Human Kinetics. The science-y version of it.

And what brought the two of you to Quidditch?

JR: When I learned that I couldn’t play Quidditch on Pottermore, I needed to find an alternative, especially since I am no longer able to count down days eagerly in anticipation of the next Harry Potter book/movie. I also have family from Transylvania, a region in Romania that boasts the National Quidditch Team that beat the English National Team 390-10 at the Quidditch World Cup of 1994. So, I guess you could say Quidditch is in my blood.

Mom: A friend from paddling told me about the team and we were going to join together, but she ended up not being able to. I was skeptical of joining by myself when I found out that my lab partner was joining! So we went together and I absolutely loved it and kept coming back.

Bonus question for Mom! What made you decide to give coaching a try?

Mom: Coaching seemed like a lot of fun and I really wanted to get more involved with the team, so it was a logical next step. Chris (Coach #2 and absentee father) and I didn’t know each other all that well; we bonded through the coaching process.

Rebeccamom and Daddy using their stern coaching voices at World Cup V

What is your jersey number? Is there any significance to it?

JR: This is quite ridiculous, I warn you: but in grade 10 I didn’t do so hot on my first trigonometry test. 72% was my mark. I was not impressed and my friends teased me forever about it (cue the beginning of the infamous “Knock knock! Who’s there? 72!” jokes). Eventually, we turned the negative connotation into something of pure awesome (ie. “72? AWWW YEAAAA”).

Mom: My number is 4, because I’m always in the back of the K4 when I paddle.

What position do you play?

JR: Chaser/Dancer/Theme Song Writer.

Mom: When I’m on the field I’m usually a Seeker, although I may start Chasing soon enough.

Both Rebeccas play a multitude of on- and off-field roles. No doubt the two of you have had some marvelous Quidditch experiences! (Quexperiences…? Quidperiences…? There ought to be a quocabulary word for that.) What has been the best moment of your Quidditch career sofar?

JR: Receiving my jersey. It wa so beautiful that I couldn’t stop grinning as soon as I put it on. (Ed: it is a well-documented fact that uOttawa Quidditch has some of the sexiest jerseys in the quorld.)

Mom: The entire World Cup V experience. Seeing the team playing their hardest and working really well together was a proud mommy moment, not to mention the spirit and energy we brought was amazing.

The moms (flanking a drummer from… Texas, of all places) lead us into battle at World Cup V!

How about the worst or scariest?

JR: The scariest moment was definitely my first quinjury! Thanks to my superb grace and poise, I tripped over my own feet while running through a Beater drill and tore a muscle near my knee. And, because I grew up in the dance world, a knee injury is a nightmare and I was terrified. But all was well.

Mom: Quinjury for me as well. One of our earliest conditioning sessions of the season, we were running suicides in the dark (Ed: We’re kind of hardcore) and I sprained my ankle. I heard a snap, and then had to sit on the sidelines for the rest of practice coaching while I iced it… then I had to walk home.

( Interviewer note: I was at that practice. She made us keep running suicides. She yelled at us THROUGH TEARS to run fasterIt was terrifying.)

So, Junior mentioned dance, and Mom, you’re huge into kayaking. What is the biggest similarity between Quidditch and your fake sports?

JR: I’ve been dancing since the age of 4, so I definitely bring my dance-ability to the pitch in every circumstance.

Mom: The amount of running involved in training is probably where the similarities start AND end. Kayaking and Quidditch are obviously both team sports, but in a different way. Quidditch definitely has a lot more of the social aspect of team play. Other than that, they’re opposites for me: Quidditch is on land, paddling is a water sport, Quidditch is for the school year, paddling is for the summer… they’re pretty different.

Since, as I am sure the two of you are aware, you play Quidditch with a band of absolute geniuses who navigated the perils of a double-Rebecca situation, tell us about the stellar nicknames they created.

JR: I grew up in a small Muggle community, and while every witch-to-be notices she can do certain unexplainable things (such as being able to leap tall buildings in a single bound), the only truly bizarre thing I ever noticed about my childhood was all of the brooms found at my house: at least two in the house, one in the garage, one in the shed in our backyard, and two in my closet. My Muggle parents directed me to use the brooms to clean. Once, my Muggle father even taught me how to properly sweep. Anyway, after a few stints of flying down my neighbour’s hill on a broom (which I placed on top of a toboggan and sat on as I slid down the hill) and flying into the pool (my Muggle mother often encouraged me to jump in the air with a broom between my legs to give the illusion of flight), I was on my way to Ottawa. I soon discovered that I had secretly been trained as a Quidditch player throughout my childhood! To my surprise, I was then reunited with my mother, Rebeccamom. The other quidkids were unable to address Rebecca and me without confusion, so I was christened “Rebecca Junior” or “Junior” for short.

Mom: “Rebeccamom” just sort of happened. Since the team has both two Rebeccas and two moms (myself and Claremom), it’s a quick way to differentiate.

Junior’s childhood problems included inability to leap tall buildings in a single bound and a lack of flying brooms, but snitches? Not a problem.

Does the quid-family have a Weasleyesque hereditary Hogwarts house, or are you two in different ones?

JR: I’m proud to say that I have two thumbs and I’m a Hufflepuff! Also I’m a particularly good finder and my great finds include, but are not limited to, 112 punch buggies every day. No word of a lie.

Mom: Gryffinpuff. The hint of Gryffindor found its way in there only because Hufflepuffs think before they act, and I don’t.

Editor’s note: say ‘hereditary Hogwarts house’ five times fast. Go!

Definitely a Hufflepuff.

Where would you FIND yourselves most often if you lived at Hogwarts?

JR: I would really like to hang out in the Kitchen and learn new recipes. I swear this is not a S.P.E.W. movement, just a general love of food and cooking!

Mom: Outside on the grounds, just exploring. I would probably end up in the Forbidden Forest a few times.

Rebecca Junior makes a BOLD statement on the plight of house elf equality! If you had a magical creature as a pet, what would it be and what would you name it?

JR: I would have a Fwooper named Gertrude McFuzz.

Mom: I would want a Centaur, but it would be my friend since I think it would object to being a pet. I guess I wouldn’t get to name it then. 

What would your patronus be?

JR: A monkey (Monkey inspiration in my life includes: Abu from Aladdin, the flying monkeys of Oz, and my being a monkey on the Chinese zodiac).

A stunningly accurate self-portrait of Junior.

Mom: It would have to be a water animal. This isn’t a Hermione reference, but it would probably be an otter. They’re playful and live in the water, which I essentially do as well.

What would your best subject/major be at Hogwarts?

JR: I definitely would strive in Divination, even though most people consider it to be a fluffy subject. I’m a great admirer of tea and would enjoy drinking tea in order to read the leaves. I also believe that my Transylvanian heritage has given me some of my magical powers: Transylvania is known to be a land of mystery and magic!

Mom: I think I’d like Care of Magical Creatures or Herbology because they’re both really hands-on. Those or potions, but only if Snape wasn’t teaching.

Which Harry Potter character do you see yourself as?

JR: I like to believe I share Ginny’s independence and wittiness and her not-being-a-wimp-ness. Also, we both play Quidditch.

Mom: According to the team, I’m Oliver Wood.

Oliver Wood 2.0 coaching her minions – I mean, uh, her team.

Yes, mom. Yes you are. If you could choose a Harry Potter character to be your significant other, who would it be and what would your ideal date with them consist of? I will stress again that I am referring to Harry Potter characters ONLY, not certain Quidkids…I think one of you knows what I mean… 😉

JR: Fred Weasley would instigate our date by asking me to go to go to the Yule Ball after Snape had just smacked Ron on the head with a textbook. Before the ball, we would adventure through the hidden passages to Hogsmede where we’d eat Honeyduke’s candy, create puns, and find things. Before we know it, it will be the evening and snow will be falling (what can I say? I’m a Canadian – my imagination is full of snow whether I like it or not!). Fred will have planned some grand scheme that I will then be able to enjoy such as exploding fireworks in Umbridge’s office or musical endeavor like singing silly songs about Ron’s love for Viktor Krum. Everything will be paid for by his hard-earned Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes income.

Mom: This is awkward… I was going to say Fred as well. We would find a bunch of friends and play a real quidditch game, then go to dinner. Knowing Fred, hilarity and hijinks would ensue!

A palpable tension fills the room. No doubt the Rebeccas are internally plotting their schemes to win Fred’s affections. I can sense these things. Quick, subject change! What wizarding food would you most enjoy?

JR: I’m quite fond of the Muggle version of Chocolate Frogs (and I even have collected a few cards over the years). That being said, a live version of one of my favourite magical treats would be scrumptious, I’m sure!

Mom: I feel like eating something that tried to jump away would be weird though… I think pumpkin juice would be great.

Wild Boggart appears! What would it look like and what would be your ‘ridikkulus’ thought to get rid of it?

JR: My Boggart would be, without a doubt, the witch from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs! What kind of children’s movie features such a horrible character! I’d point my wand at that wretched witch and “Ridikkulus” her to a water-induced melted mess à la Wizard of Oz.

Or, what with all this snow, you could freeze her into a witchsicle.

Mom: The only thing I can think of is sick/endangered loved ones… there really isn’t a way to make that funny. I would have to have a Lupin-save where he jumps in front of me and turns the moon into a deflated balloon.

Finally, we’ll finish off with some questions on your hopes and dreams for the sport that all of us, Rebecca or not, love so dearly. How do you explain quidditch to those in your life who were previously unaware of it?

JR: Generally I can just say “Quidditch… you know, the game from Harry Potter” and anyone who knows me would know what I’m talking about. One of the many perks of being a crazy, adoring fan of the almighty Rowling.

Mom: After they stop laughing at me, I usually tell them it’s a lot harder than it sounds and, yes, we do run around with brooms between our legs. Usually explaining it as a combo of cross country running, rugby, basketball, dodgeball and wrestling convinces them there’s a little more to the sport than geeking out. If that doesn’t, telling them it’s co-ed and full contact usually does the trick.

In a world where anything and anyone could play quidditch, what would your dream match be?

JR: I would get a hoot out of watching a game of Quidditch with Ellen Degeneres as the commentator, no matter who or what was playing.

Mom: I’d just like to see a real game of flying quidditch. Regardless of who’s playing, that would just be awesome. Also, I would replace brooms with hippogriffs.

 

To paraphrase T.S. Eliot, this is how the interview ends: not with a broom, but a hippogriff. I’m sure that’s what he was going for originally. Be sure to tweet @uo_quidditch this week with questions for our dynamic duo of Rebeccas! 

The family sass-resemblance is definitely noticeable


Quidkid of the Week: Boom!

17 Feb

It’s midterm season here at uOttawa, which means procrastination is the utmost priority of this Twitwitch-in-Training. Here to aid and abet my procrastination is Beater Captain Cynthia “BOOM!” Loutfi. Cynthia made the great interprovincial trek from Gatineau, Quebec (on snowshoe, of course. This is why we hot) to sit down and discuss Hogwarts, honey badgers and Hufflepuff (this interview is brought to you by the letter H). Brooms up!

Let’s get the Muggle stuff out of the way first. What program and year are you in?

I am in my last year and last semester in general social science.

Yes… a semester that we as a team are definitely not collectively sabotaging to keep you here longer… What brought you to quidditch?

I followed the snitch. During first semester’s Clubs Week, Mommy Clare was running around in full Snitch apparel handing out flyers. (Ed: …and then she went to class in her Snitch outfit and nearly got taken out by a bunch of first-years.)

What position do you play?

Beater.  I don’t want to start a position war (Ed: she totally does want to start a position war), but beater is the most awesome position of them all!

So, Cynthia “BOOM” Loutfi, explain your nickname.

When I was 17, I felt in love with a guy.  He had a lot of fun provoking me or trying to make me feel bad about myself.  And I didn’t know what to do about it.  So I turned to magic and discovered a spell that would give me the courage to defend little 17 year old me.  The problem was, the spell came with a curse.  Every time that I would win an argument, I had to finish my sentence with: “BOOM!” Every time something amazing happens in my life: “BOOM!” Every time I get good grades: “BOOM!” I bludge someone: “BOOM!” I am the Quidkid of the week: “BOOM!” My boyfriend at the time couldn’t stand it anymore…I lost him.

I am still stuck with this curse.  But trust me, ain’t no one messing with me now.  No one. That is why my nickname is “BOOM!”: Because I can’t stop saying it. Cynthia BOOM Loutfi.

"BOOM!"

Wordcurses affect millions of people worldwide. Thank you for shining a light on such a critical issue in the Quidditch community. What has been the best moment of your Quidditch career?

After the tryout when I saw my name up on the list, saying I was in the competitive team.  BEST. DAY. EVER.  I started singing “So Much Better” from the musical Legally Blonde in my head.

How about the worst or scariest?

A week before the World Cup, I realized I didn’t have my passport.  It was a disaster!  I had to go to the World Cup.  Three days before we left, I still didn’t have it.  I got it the day before we were leaving.  That was the scariest week of my life!!!! The worst moment was at the Canadian Cup.  We were doing amazing until we played against Carleton.  They destroyed us!  I was so disappointed, because I think we didn’t give our best and that is why we lost… and Carleton is good. (Whatever.)

Hear that, Carleton? Praise! Cherish it, for it shall never happen again. (We kid, uOttawa loves its big brothers and sisters.) Now Cynthia, what is your jersey number? Is there any significance to it?

I never had a jersey in my life.  So I texted my sister asking what number I should have.  She simply answered: 163.  It seemed legit.

And Cynthia is nothing if not legit.

As one of our resident Francophones, was it confusing to learn Quidditch in your second language?

No, not at all!  The hard part is when my teammates start talking strategy, but use words from sports other than Quidditch.  Quidditch I understand, the others, not so much.

What is the most interesting/funniest difference between the French and English versions of the Harry Potter books (if anything)?

I think the weirdest difference from French to English is Severus Snape’s name.  For reasons I don’t understand, in French it’s Severus Rogue.  Don’t ask why, I don’t have the slightest idea!  In general, I find the rest of the translation is really very good. Although, I find that anything said in French sounds a tiny bit wimpy compared to English.  For example, when you say “Bludger” in English, on le dit «Cognard» en Français.  So when you say “Bludged!” in English, you say «Congardé» in French.  Which sounds to long and goddamned ridiculous when you yell it on the field!

Would you have attended Hogwarts or Beauxbatons?

Hogwarts!  I don’t care if I have to work super hard to understand the British accent, I am not going back to an all-girl school.  Girls are sneaky bitches! And mean!

Despite the Veela Hair, Cynthia is a Hogwarts Girl through and through.

What house are you?

I am a Hufflepuff!  I know that technically Hufflepuffs are regular badgers, but I like to pretend that we are Honey Badgers.  These animals are f@#$%?& badasses! They take shit from no one! And they survive EVERYTHING!  I feel like I am a Honey Badger!

Be afraid….

Photo evidence of Cynthia just taking what she wants.

Photo evidence of Cynthia just taking what she wants.

The Quibbler would like to state for the record that Cynthia does not, in fact, give a shit; and takes what she wants. Being a Hufflepuff, you are no doubt an excellent finder. How would the Room of Requirement present itself to you?

In Lebanon there are trees full of huge black berries.  The Room of Requirement would be a mysterious and beautiful garden filled with these trees, were I could climb in them and eat ALL the huge black berries!

And where would you spend the majority of your time if you lived at Hogwarts?

Everywhere! I would try my best to FIND the secret passages.  It’s a whole new world that I must discover!

If you could choose a Harry Potter character to be your significant other, who would it be and what would your ideal date with them consist of?

I don’t believe in significant others.  I can be happy with anyone!  What would probably happen is that I would fantasize about having a secret adventure with Sirius Black (not the one in the movie, but the one in my head).  Meanwhile, I would be planning evil schemes to date Fred, but probably end up with Neville.

My ideal date must be like a musical!  Every time something happens there has to be a song in the background!  And he must sing “Your Song” from Moulin Rouge to me.

Neville would be good for that; he’s quite the dancer, after all. Which Harry Potter character do you see yourself as?

None of them.  I feel I am weird enough to be my very own character in HP.  But, when I’m really old, I hope to be like Dumbledore.  Calm, wise, caring and at the same time a child at heart.

Especially the child at heart.

 Wild Boggart appears! What would it look like and what would be your ‘ridikkulus’ thought to get rid of it?

A bird.  I hate birds.  Any kind of bird.  They can fly and they are dumb.  You never know where they will fly!  One day, my cousin got a bird to the face!  True story. My “ridikkulus” would be that the bird would explode and change into this:

And she would be singing like this.

Some people turn boggarts into something silly… Cynthia turns them into other peoples’ worst nightmares just to watch them squirm. What would your best subject or major be at Hogwarts?

Divination.  I can bullshit my way to an A so easily! But I would be very excited to learn Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts-Things that would require practice and discovering spells.

Like a true Hufflepuff, always with the finding. What spell do you think would be the coolest to use?

I really want a spell that would help me learn everything without even trying.  I would think: Learn it! 2 seconds later BOOM! It’s in my brain forever.

To conclude, let’s talk about your hopes and dreams for the sport. Who or what would you most like to see playing Quidditch? (in a world where anyone and anything could)

I would love to see a DC vs. Marvel game with the Flash snitching. That would be epic! In my opinion, the positions would be like this. 

DC

Chasers: Green Lantern, Batman, Zatanna, Green Arrow,

Keeper: Superman, Martian Manhunter

Beaters: Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Hawk Girl

Seeker: Elongated Man

Marvel

Chasers: Human Torch, Wolverine, Captain America, Iron Man

Keeper: Hulk, Thing

Beaters: Storm, Invisible Girl, Spider-Man

Seeker: Mr. Fantastic

Snitch: Flash

PS: I think the Marvel Characters would CRUSH the DC ones.  Just saying. 

All Canadians are given a pair of those mittens at birth.

 Finally, for those who are unfamiliar with the hobbies of our team, we’re quite the multitalented bunch. We dance (swing, haka, and pole), we attend weekly karaoke nights, we go bouldering, etc., etc. Cynthia, if you could choose our team another hobby, what would it be?

Can we please L.A.R.P.?!  I think our team needs to pass to another level of geekiness!

For those who don’t know, Cynthia wants our team to begin Live Action Role Playing and yes, yes we can. This brings us to the end of the interview, but the fun doesn’t stop here! You can tweet @uo_quidditch all week with additional questions for Beater Captain Boom (in English or en Français).

Quidkid of the Week #2: Coach Chris

10 Feb

It’s daddy-daughter bonding time here at the Quibbler! Our Quidkid of the Week, Coach Chris Radojewski, as the only member of the executive team in possession of a Y chromosome, is the notoriously absent father of our 30-person family. This twitwitch fully expected Dad to refuse an interview and, although I was fully prepared to fabricate a scandalous story full of tears and betrayal, I was thrilled when Daddy Dearest agreed to sit down for a chat. Will this encounter finally make Daddy proud of me? Let’s find out.

Who is this mysterious figure?

Muggle preliminaries! What program and year are you in?

Already a difficult question! I study Joint Honours in History and Political Science, and I’m in my 2nd year at uOttawa, but technically in my 3rd year of studies.

How positively Granger of you. Now, as someone involved in a variety of muggle or “real” sports, what brought you to Quidditch and influenced your decision to coach?

I was interested in the sport when I first heard about it, so I signed up and just became completely enthralled with the game. When the opportunity to coach came up, I had been helping out unofficially for a while and decided to run for the position. I thought I could bring some added bonuses to the team from other sports.

Now, on top of coaching you also play on the team. What position do you play?

I really enjoy all of them, so I like to switch it up. I chase the most, but I do experience an occasional passion to seek.

What about your jersey number? Any significance to it?

My number is 36. My usual number had already been taken, so I decided that, for Quidditch, I would have a new number to make my own.

Note to readers: a bit of investigatory journalism has revealed that Beater Alex stole Chris’s original number. Malice? I’m on the case!

So, Chris, as one of the leaders of a team of nicknamed players, you have a noticeable absence of Quidditch nickname in your life. Why is that, and may I select one for you?

Technically, I do… and you did. You started calling me ‘daddy’ and now I answer to it on the field. (Ed: We tested this. He does respond. We have trained our parents well.) But as far as an ‘official’ Quidditch nickname, I feel like the coaching role means I need to keep a little bit of a separation from the team. There needs to be a certain level of respect on the field, and I do struggle with that sometimes because we’re all so close as a team. I’m not opposed to nicknames, I have a few of them; they just stay off the field.

… So may I select one for you?

For use off the field, sure.

Chris ‘Vogue’ Radojewski, you’re known for your signature look on the quidditch pitch. Using three words not normally applied to clothing, how would you describe this outfit?

Let’s go with sleek, fast, and smart.

"Vogue" Radojewski's style of choice

Splendid. Now, Chris ‘Ace’ Radojewski, what would you say has been the finest moment of your Quidditch career thus far?

I would say that my most memorable moment was not when I scored a goal. Usually, the game plan is to score right off the bat and get the upper hand. There was one game in the World Cup (which we ended up losing), where myself and another player were going up the field. We had been working a lot in practice on getting open, communicating, and passing well, and that was exactly what happened. The play ended in a goal, and as both a player and a coach I was really proud to have contributed to what occurred.

How about the worst moment?

Any time a player gets injured. I’m usually the first one on the field in that situation because I have a responsibility to them. Now, our players have a habit of injuring themselves so that’s a recurring thing. They’re scary moments, but not necessarily the worst because everyone is generally okay.

Field Doctor Chris, apart from attending to our frequent quinjuries, you’re also the father of our team. How does it feel to be the primary breadwinner for a family of 30?

It’s a challenge.

Three of Chris' many quidkids waiting despondently for their father to come home.

Daddy, who’s your favourite child?

I don’t have favourites. I ignore them all equally and I’m proud of them when they do well in practice and games. (Ed: It’s totally me.)

Well, at least when you show up… now Absentee Radojewski, let’s talk Hogwarts: What house are you in?

I’ve never actually taken an online quiz like everyone on the team seems to be doing, but I see myself as an even split between Gryffindor and Slytherin. No, that is not a reference to the fact that I look like Harry Potter.

Online quizzes are too mainstream for Chris ‘House Hipster’ Radojewski. What would be your best subject or major at Hogwarts?

… History? Of… Magic? Kind of a boring answer, but they have a ghost professor and that’s pretty cool.

So, Christory, what would your patronus be?

A moose. It’s decently fast, a Canadian icon, and it would definitely kill you if it decided to run into you.

Picture this bearing down on your defensive line.

If you, Chris Radomooseki, were to choose a HP character to be your significant other, who would it be and what would your ideal date consist of?

Probably Ginny. We could play real Quidditch… and then have dinner.

Even in hypothetical situations, Chris “Quidditch First” Radojewski will sacrifice conventional romance for the sport. Ladies, take note. Now, if you could have a magical pet, what would it be and what would you name it?

Definitely a hippogriff, and I would name it Cadryn.

Name something of equal or greater Awkward-Value to a hug from Voldemort.

Going to a restaurant where a Caesar salad is on the menu, ordering a Caesar salad and being told they don’t have Caesar salad.

Caesar Radojewski, what is your favourite letter of the alphabet and your favourite word that starts with it?

S and simulacrum. It’s a cool word I saw in a journal article once.

Editor’s Note: Simulacrum (noun): 1. representation or image, something vaguely similar.

Chris “Simulacrum” Radojewski, you’ve made our team notorious for our formation-march entrances accompanied by snare drum. What possessed you to bring your drum along to our first tournament?

I thought it would be cool for the team, and very fitting to our style. We run the team pretty seriously, but we like to have a good time and we’re also really loud… probably louder now that we have a drum.

Severus Snare leads his team into battle. For the North!

Well, Severus Snare, which instrument would you most like to have added to our family band/pre-game processional?

Bagpipes.

What would you do with a rocket ship?

…Sell it?

MOON-SHOES RADOJEWSKI traversing the galaxy without a rocket ship! You know not all of us inherited enough money to develop an alternative mode of space travel!

Note the moon shoes.

This ends our interview with Quiddad Chris, but remember that you can tweet us all week with additional questions. Since Mr. Nevertweets thinks he’s too cool for Twitter, we’ll be relaying them back and forth to him. Seriously, #whatswiththatchris?

It can and can’t be used properly. I don’t need it right now, though I will probably have some future occupation that requires it. Until then, my life is content without it.

And until then, Chris will disappear into the fog of absenteeism from whence he came. See you next week!

Quidkid of the Week: Queen Mollywobbles

3 Feb

uOttawa Quidditch Team’s Twitwitch in Training (call me “Hashtags”) reporting for duty with our new feature, Quidkid of the Week!

For our first interview, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Her Royal Highness Clare Mollywobbles Hutchinson. Clare wears many fancy hats as co-president of the team, resident twitwitch, team mom, and the crowned Queen of Canadian Quidditch. Quid-royalty live a hectic (albeit glamorous) life, but Queen Mollywobbles took the time to meet me in her impenetrable snow fortress on the Rideau Canal to talk Quidditch, fancy hats, and (of course) deep, dark secrets. Brooms up!

#394, Her Highness Queen Clare Mollywobbles Hutchinson: Co-President and co-founder, Beater, Twitwitch, and Team Mom.

Muggle preliminaries first! What program and year are you in?

English & Political Science – 4th year. Next year it’s the nursing home for me. Or they’re just gonna put me on an ice floe and float me out to sea. (Ed: a Canadian tradition for the old and infirm who have outlived their usefulness.)

And tell us, oh Elderly One, what first drew you to the idea of creating a quidditch team?

I had wanted to create a team since first year (I had a friend who went to Middlebury who used to send me links. He was a marvelous enabler) because it seemed to be thoroughly excellent, but never had the time. I still don’t have the time, but I do it anyway – Carleton published an article in our school newspaper asking for another team to play, and anyone who knows the schools’ rivalry knows we couldn’t let them have a team and not have one ourselves. I responded to the article and then we, uh, had a Quidditch team.  

What is your jersey number? Is there any significance to it?

“Turn to page 394…”

What position do you play?

I used to play a little bit of everything (whatever was missing that day, basically. Presidential duties, woot), but I have been adopted by the Beater coven.

A rare picture of a hatless Mollywobbles

The beater coven is by far the best, it’s true. Which Hogwarts house do you belong to?

Pottermore says I’m a Gryffindor, and my affinity for red and virtually all of my friends concur, but Pottermore is a lying little bitch. Everyone knows I’m a Hufflepuff 4 lyfe. #teamcuddles

Well I don’t FIND that very surprising at all. Can you give us some insight as to what inspired the nickname ‘Mollywobbles’?

No. It’s my secret question, I can’t tell you or the Death Eaters’ll get me.

Safety first. Speaking of safety, what has been the scariest moment of your quidditch career thus far?

Every time someone gets injured. Then my inner Mama Grizzly comes out to play. NOT MY PLAYER, YOU BITCH! One of our players once went down during a game clutching his eye, and before I knew whether it was bad or not I had to sprint to the EMT tent with every Team Mom’s worst nightmare doing a plié in my lung. That was funtimes.

How about the best moment?

Every time I yell “bludged!” is the best moment. Doesn’t even matter if anyone was actually bludged or if I’m in the produce aisle at the grocery store holding a canteloupe, I still get a power rush.

Our readers are all wondering… what’s with the hat?

Benepe’s hat was giving the Queen feelings of inadequacy. Which, if you are familiar with Queens, is something that is Just Not Done. Hence, red bowler hat. One must raise the bar. Also I needed something goofy to wear and found it on my dryer. But mostly the one-uppance.

Ah, yes. Now, how did it feel to be crowned as Queen of Canadian Quidditch?

Mortifying. And undeserved – everyone knows Andrea Hill of Carleton is the true Queen.

Muggle Quidditch's very own Kate and William (I am, of course, speaking only about the hats).

While we’re on the topic of mortification, as our resident Twitwitch you’ve become notorious for constantly tweeting. Ever been caught tweeting in an improper situation?

I’m sure there are pictures of most of them (I am *ALWAYS* tweeting in pictures), but I tweeted about commentating just before the Canadian Cup final and it sent a notification to Fancy Hat Man’s phone, which was running the music, so all the music for all the pitches just stopped. Muggle technology, man. So unreliable.

There was also that time I tweeted one of our university officials saying I hoped Trelawney hadn’t contributed to the new university vision – needless to say, he didn’t get the reference and thought I was defaming a teacher.

Our Twitwitch caught in the act!

Because I enjoy the topic of mortification, tell us one of your deepest, darkest secrets (or, barring that, an interesting fact about you)

Normally my interesting fact about myself is that I play Quidditch, so I’m all out. Unless you count my chemical addiction to maple syrup.

Then let’s talk Hogwarts: What would be your best subject or major?

Transfiguration, because McGoogles is Queen of my heart.

In HP6, I think we all remember Rowling’s description of Harry’s strange new feeling as akin to having a monster roaming around in his chest. Now, Clare, you named Harry’s Chestmonster Horace. If you had a Chestmonster of your very own, what would you name it?

Jasper. Harry’s is named Horace; I figure he would need a partner in crime. If you catch my meaning. ~And I think you do~  

And if you could pick an HP character to be your significant other, who would it be and what would your ideal date consist of?

Luna Lovegood. We would totally be the Hogwarts Dork Power Couple. And I have no bloody idea what we’d do, but it’d be incredibly entertaining.

What's she hiding underneath that hat?

Which HP character would you describe as your spirit animal?

Remus Lupin. Cardigans, big band music, books, and chocolate. That kind of sums it up. Also the running around crazed in forests. I have been known to do that. Upon occasion.

If you could have a magical creature as a pet, what would it be and what would you name it?

I have long been an advocate for Hippogriff-based travel as a greener alternative to automobiles and planes. I would name it Brego, and if you don’t know why then I don’t know you.

If you were going to hide bits of your soul, what would you use as horcruxes?

Random pinecones. The sunsweet berries of the earth. All the colours of the wind. Or my keys. Find THOSE, Harry Potter.

What would you do with an invisibility cloak?

Kick sheepdogs. Or fulfill my dearest dream of becoming a spy.

Would you kick this face? Clare Hutchinson would. (The uOttawa Quibbler and uOttawa Quidditch in no way endorse the kicking of dogs.)

What spell or magical gadget would you find most useful or entertaining?

Summoning charm would be the most useful. Which is probably not “thinking big” enough, but Time Turners freak me out. You don’t f*ck with time, man. Most enjoyment out of an actual flying broom, no doy. Y’all can keep your Extendable Ears.

Finally, let’s talk about your hopes for Quidditch: if you could see anyone or anything playing the sport, who or what would it be?

I would want Rick Mercer and Michael Ignatieff (or Baby Trudeau) to Seek on Parliament Hill with McGill Snitch Alan at his sparkliest. This would please your Queen very much.

One can only guess at what secrets that binder holds...

 This concludes our interview with Her Majesty Queen Clare Mollywobbles Hutchinson of Canadian Quidditch, but the fun and personal bubble invasion don’t stop here! If you have any questions for Clare, tweet them to @uo_quidditch. As part of Clare’s duties as Quidkid of the Week, she is bound by unbreakable vow to answer them.