Tag Archives: Coach Chris

Quidkid of the Week #2: Coach Chris

10 Feb

It’s daddy-daughter bonding time here at the Quibbler! Our Quidkid of the Week, Coach Chris Radojewski, as the only member of the executive team in possession of a Y chromosome, is the notoriously absent father of our 30-person family. This twitwitch fully expected Dad to refuse an interview and, although I was fully prepared to fabricate a scandalous story full of tears and betrayal, I was thrilled when Daddy Dearest agreed to sit down for a chat. Will this encounter finally make Daddy proud of me? Let’s find out.

Who is this mysterious figure?

Muggle preliminaries! What program and year are you in?

Already a difficult question! I study Joint Honours in History and Political Science, and I’m in my 2nd year at uOttawa, but technically in my 3rd year of studies.

How positively Granger of you. Now, as someone involved in a variety of muggle or “real” sports, what brought you to Quidditch and influenced your decision to coach?

I was interested in the sport when I first heard about it, so I signed up and just became completely enthralled with the game. When the opportunity to coach came up, I had been helping out unofficially for a while and decided to run for the position. I thought I could bring some added bonuses to the team from other sports.

Now, on top of coaching you also play on the team. What position do you play?

I really enjoy all of them, so I like to switch it up. I chase the most, but I do experience an occasional passion to seek.

What about your jersey number? Any significance to it?

My number is 36. My usual number had already been taken, so I decided that, for Quidditch, I would have a new number to make my own.

Note to readers: a bit of investigatory journalism has revealed that Beater Alex stole Chris’s original number. Malice? I’m on the case!

So, Chris, as one of the leaders of a team of nicknamed players, you have a noticeable absence of Quidditch nickname in your life. Why is that, and may I select one for you?

Technically, I do… and you did. You started calling me ‘daddy’ and now I answer to it on the field. (Ed: We tested this. He does respond. We have trained our parents well.) But as far as an ‘official’ Quidditch nickname, I feel like the coaching role means I need to keep a little bit of a separation from the team. There needs to be a certain level of respect on the field, and I do struggle with that sometimes because we’re all so close as a team. I’m not opposed to nicknames, I have a few of them; they just stay off the field.

… So may I select one for you?

For use off the field, sure.

Chris ‘Vogue’ Radojewski, you’re known for your signature look on the quidditch pitch. Using three words not normally applied to clothing, how would you describe this outfit?

Let’s go with sleek, fast, and smart.

"Vogue" Radojewski's style of choice

Splendid. Now, Chris ‘Ace’ Radojewski, what would you say has been the finest moment of your Quidditch career thus far?

I would say that my most memorable moment was not when I scored a goal. Usually, the game plan is to score right off the bat and get the upper hand. There was one game in the World Cup (which we ended up losing), where myself and another player were going up the field. We had been working a lot in practice on getting open, communicating, and passing well, and that was exactly what happened. The play ended in a goal, and as both a player and a coach I was really proud to have contributed to what occurred.

How about the worst moment?

Any time a player gets injured. I’m usually the first one on the field in that situation because I have a responsibility to them. Now, our players have a habit of injuring themselves so that’s a recurring thing. They’re scary moments, but not necessarily the worst because everyone is generally okay.

Field Doctor Chris, apart from attending to our frequent quinjuries, you’re also the father of our team. How does it feel to be the primary breadwinner for a family of 30?

It’s a challenge.

Three of Chris' many quidkids waiting despondently for their father to come home.

Daddy, who’s your favourite child?

I don’t have favourites. I ignore them all equally and I’m proud of them when they do well in practice and games. (Ed: It’s totally me.)

Well, at least when you show up… now Absentee Radojewski, let’s talk Hogwarts: What house are you in?

I’ve never actually taken an online quiz like everyone on the team seems to be doing, but I see myself as an even split between Gryffindor and Slytherin. No, that is not a reference to the fact that I look like Harry Potter.

Online quizzes are too mainstream for Chris ‘House Hipster’ Radojewski. What would be your best subject or major at Hogwarts?

… History? Of… Magic? Kind of a boring answer, but they have a ghost professor and that’s pretty cool.

So, Christory, what would your patronus be?

A moose. It’s decently fast, a Canadian icon, and it would definitely kill you if it decided to run into you.

Picture this bearing down on your defensive line.

If you, Chris Radomooseki, were to choose a HP character to be your significant other, who would it be and what would your ideal date consist of?

Probably Ginny. We could play real Quidditch… and then have dinner.

Even in hypothetical situations, Chris “Quidditch First” Radojewski will sacrifice conventional romance for the sport. Ladies, take note. Now, if you could have a magical pet, what would it be and what would you name it?

Definitely a hippogriff, and I would name it Cadryn.

Name something of equal or greater Awkward-Value to a hug from Voldemort.

Going to a restaurant where a Caesar salad is on the menu, ordering a Caesar salad and being told they don’t have Caesar salad.

Caesar Radojewski, what is your favourite letter of the alphabet and your favourite word that starts with it?

S and simulacrum. It’s a cool word I saw in a journal article once.

Editor’s Note: Simulacrum (noun): 1. representation or image, something vaguely similar.

Chris “Simulacrum” Radojewski, you’ve made our team notorious for our formation-march entrances accompanied by snare drum. What possessed you to bring your drum along to our first tournament?

I thought it would be cool for the team, and very fitting to our style. We run the team pretty seriously, but we like to have a good time and we’re also really loud… probably louder now that we have a drum.

Severus Snare leads his team into battle. For the North!

Well, Severus Snare, which instrument would you most like to have added to our family band/pre-game processional?

Bagpipes.

What would you do with a rocket ship?

…Sell it?

MOON-SHOES RADOJEWSKI traversing the galaxy without a rocket ship! You know not all of us inherited enough money to develop an alternative mode of space travel!

Note the moon shoes.

This ends our interview with Quiddad Chris, but remember that you can tweet us all week with additional questions. Since Mr. Nevertweets thinks he’s too cool for Twitter, we’ll be relaying them back and forth to him. Seriously, #whatswiththatchris?

It can and can’t be used properly. I don’t need it right now, though I will probably have some future occupation that requires it. Until then, my life is content without it.

And until then, Chris will disappear into the fog of absenteeism from whence he came. See you next week!

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How The Grinch Abandoned Snitchmas

19 Dec

Every classic Christmas poem needs a Quidditch re-telling! Beater Erin McCrady wrote this for team Dad and co-coach Chris. It was illustrated by beater Cynthia Loutfi and other co-coach Rebecca Alley. It involves a few inside jokes, but laughs are more or less guaranteed for anyone who decides to read it.

Merry Snitchmas from all of us quidkids at UO!

How The Grinch Abandoned Snitchmas

Every Quidkid at UO liked Snitchmas a lot
But the Grinch who had no time for Snitchmas DID NOT.
The Grinch just left Snitchmas, the whole Snitchmas season.
Now please don’t ask why, no one knows quite the reason.

It could be his schedule was just too tight,
That his job made him skip it to stay home and write
But I think the most likely reason, you see,
Is the Grinch didn’t love his quidkid family.

But whatever the reason, his school or his job,
He just kept abandoning, making us sob.
Sitting down in his home with a work-worky focus
(Or just watching Mulan, Chris, your work is SO bogus).

For he knew as he sat down to work with a smile
All the quidkids were sleeping in their Snitchmas pile.

“And they’re cuddling, too,” said the Grinch with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Snitchmas. It’s practically here!”
Then he growled with his Grinch-fingers nervously drumming.
“They’re having a party. They expect that I’m coming!

And tomorrow, he knew, all the UO quid players
Would show up with big smiles thinking daddy’d be there!
And they’d think he cared! Oh, he cared, cared, cared, CARED!
That’s just what we could not have: the care, care, care, care.

Then the quidkids of UO would sit down and brunch.
And they’d brunch! And they’d brunch!
And they’d BRUNCH! BRUNCH! BRUNCH! BRUNCH!
They’d brunch on some breakfast foods! Brunch on some lunch!
Just the thought made his face do a frown-ish like scrunch.

And THEN
They’d do something he liked least of all.
Every quidkid at UO, the tall and the small,
Would stop all their chasing, their seeking and beating,
They’d stand, phones in hand, and they’d all being TWEETING.
And they’d tweet! And they’d tweet!
And they’d TWEET! TWEET! TWEET! TWEET!

And the more the Grinch thought of this whole Snitchmas tweet,
The more he decided he had to retreat.
“Why, I’ve never shown up and I just won’t start now.
I must find a way of not coming… but how?”

Then he got an idea
An AWFUL idea
The Grinch got a wonderful, AWFUL idea!

“I know just what to do!” he said, no longer vexed,
And he sent a quick message by way of phone-text.
Then he chuckled and laughed, “what a mean, grinchy plot!
I told them I’m coming when really I’m not!”

“Well I might just stop by when I’m done all my work,
But I won’t follow dress code, ‘cause I’m just a jerk.
I’ll just wear an outfit that’s classy and fancy
And I just won’t be tacky or jolly or dancy”

“All I need is an excuse”
The Grinch looked around
But he had been efficient and none could be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch?
No! The Grinch simply said
“If I can’t find an excuse, I’ll MAKE one instead”
So he called up a quidkid and said something witty
Like “Oh, I’ll be there soon, I just need to get pretty”.

THEN
He took a quick pic of his sad facial hair
And he sent it with promises he’d soon be there.

HOURS LATER he left and he started on out
To the place where the kids were festive-ing about
But just as he arrived, a thought made him stall
“Wait a minute,” he thought, “I don’t love them at all!
Why am I showing up to act like a good father?”
And he turned around, thinking he’d no longer bother.Then he tightened his bowtie and started to trudge
His way back through the snow. Then he felt a hard bludge!
He turned around fast, and he saw a quid-child
Whose abandonment issues were now running wild.
 
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny quid-daughter
Who had sat on the doorstep to wait for her father.
She stared at the Grinch and said “Daddy… but why?
Why are you leaving our party, dad? Why?!”But you know, that old Grinch was so sly and so quick
That he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick
“Why my sweet little tot” The absentee dad scammed,
“I have to go home and prep for an exam!
So I’m heading on back to Morisset, my dear.
I’ll study up there, and then I’ll come back here.”
And his fib fooled the child! Her abandon-tears dried
And he gave her the bludger and sent her inside.
When the small beater child went inside with her ball,
The Grinch left with no plans to return after all!
When he got home, he settled down to watch Mulan
Singing “I’ll Make a Man Out of You”, his favourite song.
“Those silly quidkids,” he was Grinch-ish-ly humming,
“They’re finding out now I’m not actually coming!
Once they realize, I know just what they’ll do.
Their mouths will hang open; they’ll all sob boo-hoo
And I’ll reinforce all of their daddy issues!”
Those were statuses that he thought he HAD to see
So he paused Mulan and checked his Facebook with glee.
And he checked on his news. Some quid-statuses showed.
They started in low. Then they started to grow…
But the statuses weren’t sad!
Why, they sounded quite merry!
It couldn’t be so!
But they were merry! VERY!Or at least so he thought…He scrunched up his eyes,
The lack of space between words was quite a surprise.
Every quidkid at UO, the tall and the small
Was tweeting! Without any spaces at all!
He hadn’t circumvented Snitchmas. It came!
He might not have showed up, but it came all the same.
Now the Grinch ran outside in the cold winter’s snow
And stood there all puzzled. “How could it be so?
I thought I had lost it without any snags,
But it managed to find me! Damn Snitchmas hashtags!”
And he puzzled for hours ‘til his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before.
“Maybe Snitchmas is something I just can’t ignore,
Maybe Snitchmas… perhaps… means a little bit more”
And what happened then…?
Well, at UO they say
That the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!
He stepped up and became a supportive Quid-dad
And rushed to his family all tackily clad!
He brunched and he tweeted! He laughed and he smiled!
And he…
He himself…
THE GRINCH!
DAD cuddle-piled!